The past couple of days, I have been asked questions that I was unprepared to answer –
While helping a a three year old boy look for his turumpo, he suddenly touched my hair and asked, “Bakit girl ka?” (Why are you a girl?) I got speechless because I never really asked myself why. His question was so funny because growing up, I thought people suspected me of being other than a girl. Does having long tresses make one a girl? At any rate, minutes later, the little boy threatened to throw a tantrum if his mother would not paint his toenails pink. That was a fun/funny day.
The next day, while in a bus headed for the metro, Doctora and I got to talking about lives (ours both) and loves (hers, mainly). In the middle of my speech about being physically exhausted, she asked, “Pero masaya ka ba?” (But are you happy?) Ah, that’s the gazillion peso question. A question that I could not and cannot answer because everyday, in my line of work, I am faced with problems, conflicts and issues, and I very rarely see truly meaningful and satisfactory resolutions. Almost on a daily basis, in our profession, we deal with loss, or the threat of loss, and the breach of rights. Almost always, a beautifully, well-written and well-argued pleading does not stand a chance against big bucks. In such a place under the sun, can I just say, without missing a beat and without qualification, that I am truly happy? We are proud of the work that we do, we feel that it is worth our while in this planet. It is just a bit difficult to be happy when institutions and systems are in place and are established to precisely work against you. (Am I even making any sense? I keep thinking of Chowking and its spicy noodles…)
Then, the following day, while in a seminar and speaking with smart and independent women, Fatima asked me not one but two questions. The first one I am not ready to divulge, but the second one seems okay to share. She said, if someone gave me this “miracle drug,” would I use it? This drug is illegal in the Philippines, but legal in other parts of the world. It has already been condemned by the Church. Her two questions really got me to thinking. Hopefully soon, I shall have my answer. So…
Why are you a girl/boy/woman/man? …gay?
Are you happy?
If you were gifted with an illegal (says the Philippines) and immoral (says the Church) “miracle drug”, would you use it?
Give me sleep and a weekend and then probably, I could give a half-intelligent answer. Meanwhile, let’s have those spicy noodles.
