(19 April 2009)
View from hotel room window.
Soon, i hope. Then, I’d be back in business, thinking of the stuff that used to preoccupy me; living today thinking of tomorrow instead of last year’s (winternovember).
I’ve been greatly inconvenienced already — spent precious peso, in this time of crisis, on beloved books, essential movies, sovereign food. But, most unforgivable, wonderful sleep is reduced to a measly half of what I used to have. Work has felt like work since; wanderlust seems about to kick in.
broken body part, are you truly?
do you ever mend, really?
take me away. take me along.
but, please, to a place happy, body parts healthy. and i hope, i hope, it would be a bright bright beautiful day.
Yes, breathing in and breathing out. Starting this post with a positive word. Filling days and nights with thoughts of work. Composing pleadings inside my head. Attempting to come up with brilliant arguments. Reading novels again. Writing for a reader of one. Surfing the net, as usual. Trying to plug this continental gap within with thoughts of things I should be grateful for and happy about.
May there be an end (to this), and once again, life!!!
My first ever day of school in kindergarten, my grandmother forgot to fetch me. My mama had to go to her own class and my papa was in Riyadh.
In my new uniform, I sat by the school gate for what seemed like hours until it was just Mr. M– (our school’s security guard) and I who were left. I didn’t panic, however. Or feel that I was abandoned. In my 6-year old mind, I had somehow known that I would be forgotten.
And so before the sun set, and before Mr. M– and other school personnel became even more worried, I stood up from my corner and asked the school janitor, Mang… Roderick (I think, his name was), if he could accompany me home. I knew exactly where our house was though not its address (up the street near the town market a ‘haunted house’ stood and on that street, a passageway led to the compound where home was.)
Before my lola could finish cooking dinner, there I was sitting by the dining table, asking for merienda. Ay! my lola cried. But, no crying, no fuss from me. I simply asked for a glass of water and some soup. Ok, perhaps for a doughnut, too. And everything was just as it was and as it should be.
More than 20 years later and I’m wishing I’m still that 6 year old kid.
Forgotten?
I’d stand up from the corner where I waited, dust myself off, and head for home, where someone who surely loved me awaited for my return. Then, as in dreams, there’d be no crying, and hardly any fuss. Ok, perhaps a lot of fuss. But only the good kind.
video courtesy of LadyVolsRock posted at youtube.
Just before 2008 closed, I was feeling saddest so I went to the happiest place on earth. (Actually, the trip was planned by good friends way before I felt saddest. At any rate…)
We missed the Golden Mickeys, but we caught the wonderful and surprisingly satisfying PhilharMagic.
For fifteen minutes, one could feel like a kid again. One (or just the ridiculously sad) could even shed a tear or two as Aladdin sings to Jasmine and promises to show her the world.
The fireworks at the end did not disappoint. We were unexpectedly moved. (Or, are we truly getting old?) Failed to get a photo of that. But, I do have a not-so-good one of Main St. after the show…
Didn’t like myself too much when I was there. Didn’t like myself too much for most of our stay in HK. I was in an (unknown, uncharacteristic state?) and found almost everything annoying. In fact, when we alighted from the bus at Disney, I was quite nasty when I told my friend about a kababayan family: ”Look at that father, why is he still sitting there when his sons have been very excited about this trip? What? Is he waiting for us to give him directions?”
Later after the show, my friend and I went round and round the parking lot looking for our bus. For around twenty minutes we were doing the rounds. Around thirty buses became four. And just before I totally lost my cool, a man went down from an unfamiliar bus and called us, his words, in our language, like salvation: “Miss, kayo yung kasama namin sa bus kaninang umaga, di ba? Dito tayo ngayon.” (Miss, we were together in the bus earlier, right? We take this bus tonight.)
We (or I?) could kiss him, shower him with gifts, drive the bus for him, but since we (I) couldn’t, my friend and I just thanked him and his family as they got off at their hotel. So to our now dear kababayans, who stayed at the Royal Prince HK sometime in early December last year, this girl apologizes. May the new year bring you more blessings and may you stay in good health.
For the following:
January – the chance to live my dream;
February – TRO;
March – community and solidarity;
April – new people and places; hard work and the unexpected commendation;
May – free and fresh logic board for NY (my iBook baby); fresh apartment (not free, though);
June – WPI;
July – Strength and smarts in the face of someone that swore to slaughter; liberation from a leech;
August – personal and inter-personal growth;
September – validation of who I am and the opportunity to be reminded of who my true friends are;
October – life; and a winning case;
November ******
December – family and friends; HK to try my new shoes and hat in — ms. nice is momentarily left in the RP; a time to rest.
Thank you, Lord, for one of the best years of my life, and for this one that’s just about to start.
After great pain, a formal feeling comes —
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs —
The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?
The Feet, mechanical, go round —
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone —
This is the Hour of Lead —
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow —
First — Chill — then Stupor — then the letting go —
– Emily Dickinson
felt like last week…
 | jordandale on “One Winged Angels… |
